Not Everyone's Cup of Tea

 
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Why do I even try?

I’ve heard myself think and say this more times than I care to admit.

I want them to be happy…

I don’t want to let them down…

I want them to feel loved…

I don’t want them to feel forgotten…

I need to say it just right so they won’t be hurt or upset...

I need to be more caring, present, available, thoughtful, consistent, active, healthy, witty, funny...

I need to be less… selfish, critical, irritable, intimidating, tired...

Have you ever felt this way?

People pleasing can run us ragged. I have learned and continue to remind myself…You CANNOT please everybody!

People unintentionally move the target of what they want from us. Sometimes they don’t even know what they expect from us...until we guess and get it wrong. Then they’re upset with us. Then we can get upset with them or ourselves. These are the moments I find myself saying...Why do I even try!?!

The truth is, I want people to like me. Sometimes I slip into the people-pleasing mode as a result. Several years ago, in order to start letting go of this overwhelming need to please others, I started telling myself a couple of things…

You are not everyone’s cup of tea and that is okay.

You can’t possibly please everyone, let it go.


This passage from the Bible gets to the heart of it and reminds me of who I want to be. “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 NIV

If I will pay attention, I have two clues which help me spot when I am falling into people pleasing: I start talking about how tired I am and I hear myself think or say, why do I even try?

People pleasing can leave us feeling spent and worn out. In order to start on a course correct and not stuck in a rut for too long, I ask myself a lot of questions…

● Who am I trying to please and why?

● What will it cost me (emotionally, physically, spiritually, relationally) to keep going down this path?

● In light of my priorities is this the best use of my time and emotional energy?

● What do I need in order to reset?

● Am I willing to do this?

Maybe these questions would help you, too. I want to encourage you to take a few minutes to check your people-pleasing pulse. It’s time to bust out of the rut and drive into new life-giving territory. I’ll be continuing on this crazy adventure with you.

Written By Tammy Claughton


 
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